Look. This is a scam. A poorly written scam. A completely unbelievable scam. But, because I'm in a good mood tonight, and this particular email is so durn funny, I'm going to bold the mis-spellings and the weird capitalization. Personal comment will be in red. Not all of it, of course. That would take too long. Just the really obvious stuff.
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From: "Robert S. Mueller III"
Reply-To: fbi.federalbureau-investigation@live.com
To: "."@pop.co.th
Subject: Federal Bureau of Investigation
Date: Wed 05/07/08 05:43 PM
Federal Bureau of Investigation
J. Edgar Hoover Building
935 Pennsylvania Avenue,
NW Washington, D.C. 20535-0001, USA.
RE: FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION SEEKING TO WIRETAP THE INTERNET
We the Federal bureau of investigation (FBI) Washington, DC in
conjunction
with some other relevant Investigation Agencies here in the United
states of America have recently been informed through our Global
intelligence monitoring network that you presently have a transaction
going on with of Bank of Africa (CBN) as regards to your over-due
contract payment which was
fully endorsed in your favor accordingly.
Ok, just look at that shoddy capitalization. And there are people who are actually going to believe that this is a legit email!
It might interest you to know that we have taken out time in screening
through this project as stipulated on our protocol of operation and
have finally confirmed that your contract payment is 100% genuine and
hitch free from all fact and of which you have the lawful right to claim
your fund without any further delay.
"and hitch free from all fact". Well. Yes. They are telling the truth there. At first I laughed at the pathetic error, until I realized that they may be using that as an out if they get caught. "But we told them it was free from fact!"
Having said all this, we will further advise that you go ahead in
dealing
with the United Bank of Africa office accordingly, as we will be
monitoring all their services with you as well as your correspondence
at
all level.
In addendum, also be informed that we recently had a meeting with the
Executive Director of the Uinted Bank of Africa, in the person of Mr
Tony Elumelu along with some of the top officials of the Ministry
regarding your case and they made us to understand that your file has
been held in abase
depending on when you personally come for the claim.
Honestly? I didn't follow that. It sounded like they're holding funds until I show up. I assume that's what it means.
They also told us that the only problem they are facing right now is
that
some unscrupulous element are using this project as an avenue to
scam innocent people off their hard earned money by impersonating the
Executive Governor and the Central Bank office.
Really? An unscrupulous element are using this as a scam? Really? *gasp* I can't believe that anyone would do such a thing! Bwhahahah! This is like the "free of fact" from above.
We were also made to understand that a lady with name Mrs. Joan C.
Bailey
from OHIO has already contacted them and also presented to them all
the necessary documentation?s evidencing your claim purported to have
been signed personally by you prior to the release of your contract fund
valued at about US$10,000,000.00 (Ten Million United States Dollars.),
but the United Bank office did the wise thing by insisting on hearing
from you personally before the go ahead on wiring your fund to the Bank
information?s which was forwarded to them by the above named Lady so
that was the main reason why they contacted us so as to assist them in
making the investigations.
Try to say that ten times fast. Now. Are they saying that this "Lady" (apparently we have nobility in OHIO) contacted them on my behalf, or that she's trying to *ahem* scam them into giving them *ahem* my money? I think the latter, but on first read, I thought the former.
They further informed us that we should warn our dear citizens who must
have been informed of the contract payment which was awarded to them
from the United Bank of Africa, to be very careful prior to this
irregularities so that they don't fall victim to this ugly circumstance.
To this ugly circumstance? Um, you mean "to this scam"? And by this scam, I mean both the one you talk about, and the one you are.
And should incase you are already dealing with anybody or office
claiming
to be from the United Bank of Africa, you are further advised to
STOP further contact with them in your best interest and then contact
immediately the real office of the United Bank of Africa (UBA) only with
the below information?s accordingly:
Oh my dog. This one just cracked me up as well. If you're already dealing with UBA, stop! And contact them from the address below- which is provided by someone claiming to be the FBI, yet doesn't write well in English. Um....
NAME: MR TONY ELUMELU (MFR)
OFFICE ADDRESS: United Bank of Africa,
COOPERATE BUILDING
U.B.A HOUSE, 57 MARINA,
P.O.BOX 2406 ,LAGOS NIGERIA
TEL: +234-1-4181333
+234-8088348052
I used to delete all contact information from the scam emails I posted, but I realized that some people doing a search may be searching by phone number, address, etc. I'm just trying to help those souls who need convincing that they're really not that lucky by making it easy for them to find the info they need.
Email: unitedbnkofafrica.remittancedept@live.com
NOTE: In your best interest, any message that doesn't come from the
above
official email address and phone numbers should not be replied to
and should be disregarded accordingly for security reasons.
Bwhahahahah! Right. The official email of a bank is hosted by live.com. Riiiight.
Meanwhile, we will advise that you contact the United Bank of Africa
office immediately with the above email address and request that they
attend to your payment file as directed so as to enable you receive
your
contract fund accordingly.
Sometimes I just want to respond to these things to see what they say next, but, sadly, I don't have time to sit on my butt amusing myself all day.
Ensure you follow all their procedure as may be required by them as that
will further help hasten up the whole procedures as regards to the
transfer of your fund to you as designated.
How about if I don't?
Also have in mind that the United Bank of Africa equally have their own
protocol of operation as stipulated on their banking terms, so delay
could be very dangerous.
Dangerous? Dangerous how? Are they going to send a hit man after me for not responding? Cuz, yanno, I'm thinking that the big boys (the ones who really do have hit men) actually can make a convincing scam.
Once again, we will advise that you contact them with the above email
address and make sure you forward to them all the necessary
information?s which they may require from you prior to the release of
your fund to you accordingly.
All the information. Hm.. like name, address, SSN? You know, information that should not be given to strangers who contact you out of the blue?
All modalities has already been worked out even before you were
contacted
and note that we will be monitoring all your dealings with them as
you proceed so you don't have anything to worry about.
Oh, I feel so safe. You're watching my every move. And you're the FBI. Because you said so. And what are modalities?
All we require from you henceforth is an update so as to enable us be on
track with you and the United Bank of Africa. Without wasting much
time,will want you to contact them immediately with the above email
address so as to enable them attend to your case accordingly without any
further delay as time is already running out.
Wordy barstuds, aren't you?
Should in case you need any more information?s in regards to this
notification,feel free to get back to us so that we can brief you more
as
we
are here to guide you during and after this project has been completely
perfected and you have received your contract fund as stated.
Ah. I'm so glad that the FBI is going to guide me while this project is perfected.
Thank you very much for your co-operation in advance as we earnestly
await your urgent response to this matter.
All of my responses are urgent. I don't know why, they just take everything so seriously.
Best Regards,
Robert S. Mueller III
Federal Bureau of Investigation
Email: fbi.federalbureau-investigation@live.com
Ah. I see why the bank's official email address is hosted by live.com. After all, if it's good enough for the FBI....
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